Heaven is for Real...

Have you read this book?

If not, it's a story told by a little boy (through his father) about his trip to Heaven and back. He had to have emergency surgery due to an overlooked ruptured appendix and almost died. He tells stories about meeting God and Jesus and Gabriel the angel and all kinds of things. It's a beautiful story.

In all honesty, I wasn't sure I believed it all, but I'm starting to believe it all more and more. And I want to believe it. Especially now that baby Gwen passed away. I want to believe that she is in the special part of Heaven for children until they can be reunited with their loved ones.

In the book, the little boy mentions seeing lights coming out of people while attending mass. And seeing other phenomena that he explains as being part of Heaven or Jesus. I'm wondering how many kids see these things if they are real (which I'm hoping to believe they are).

I ask this because today was a special day for us.

This morning Annabelle fell. Not bad, and she landed on some clothes, but she fell and bumped her head. She screamed. I cried. And I called the exchange and talked to a pediatric nurse at Cardinal Glennon. They assured me she's fine. We have some things to watch, but she's been her happy smiling self all day.

That's not the point of this story.

I swapped the kids today at daycare. Dommie has been running a fever so I kept him at home and sent Annabelle in his place. I would've kept both of them out but I had class today at 1:30 and Nick's mom was willing to watch one child and I didn't want to TOTALLY abuse her and force her to watch 2 kids. (just kind of abuse her with one!). After dropping Annabelle off at Stella's (and explaining Annabelle's fall and what to watch out for), Dommie and I decided to have a good Mommy and Dommie day and go to Denny's for breakfast.

On our way home from breakfast, Dommie said, "Look Mommy! I see sissy!". I immediately turned around and said, "Where do you see Sissy?" thinking he was seeing a billboard or ad with a baby on it (he thinks a LOT of babies look like sissy). He pointed up. Well we are in a car. There's nothing up. Then he started moving his finger around the car. I asked, "What are you talking about silly? There's no one in the car but us!". He said, "Yes there is! I see Sissy! She's flying!!".

At this point, I'm remembering this book and thinking about Annabelle at daycare and knowing she hit her head. I'm kind of freaking out.

Then Dommie says, "Oh no Mama! She's flying away! We have to catch her! I can't lose Sissy!". I said, "Can we catch her? Where is she?". Then he started kind of crying and saying, "She flew away! I miss Sissy!".

So I called Stella. I was supposed to call her anyway, but this really freaked me out. She assured me that Annabelle was fine and acting normal.

Then I started thinking about it. Maybe Dominick just saw Baby Gwen.

He only met her a few times and wouldn't remember what she looked like, but maybe she remembered him for some reason. I'm not saying this is what happened. I know kids have crazy imaginations. But it was so odd.

I'd like to think that he saw Baby Gwen. And that she was happy and showing us that she's ok. Yesterday would have been her 1st birthday. Maybe she was telling all the families who prayed for her that she had a good birthday. I like to imagine that.

And I like to imagine that Heaven is for Real.

PS - Annabelle is still her happy smiling beautiful self. And her bump is gone. Thank goodness. :)

Prayer

This will be my last sad post for awhile. I swear.

We just left the Memorial Mass for Baby Gwen. It was beautiful. And sad. All at the same time. I won't dwell on that, but I will share with you this prayer that was on Gwen's prayer card.

God saw she was getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So he put his arms around her
And whispered, "Come to Me"
With tearful hearts we watched
Her fade away.
Although we loved her dearly,
We could not make her stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

Rest in Peace

Baby Gwen
Born on this Earth: August 24, 2010
Left to join God: August 7, 2011

We got that horrible email yesterday morning...the one that told us that Baby Gwen has left this Earth to be with God in Heaven. I've been crying since, I think. I know what I'm feeling is nothing compared to what C & D are feeling. I feel so horrible for them and I know that no words can help. There is nothing to say or do.

I can't believe how fast all of this happened. I remember April 23, 2011. It was a friend of ours daughter's 1st birthday party. Nick and I took the kids and saw C with her son Donovan. We asked where D and Gwen were and she told us that baby Gwen was cutting teeth and a little crabby. We smiled and told her we'd come over soon because we wanted to see Gwen again soon.

The next day was Gwen's 8 month birthday.

The next day was Easter Sunday.

The next day was the day that Gwen got diagnosed with Leukemia.

And here we are, just a few short months later and Gwen is gone. I remember when we found out that Gwen was sick. I wasn't worried. At all. That may sound horrible but I was so positive that she was going to get better. She was at a nationally ranked Children's Hospital for goodness sake. Of COURSE she was going to get better.

Then the diagnosis got a little worse. But I still was so 100% sure she'd be better soon and we'd all be telling these stories to Gwen someday.

Then the diagnosis got even more worse. And I got scared.

I have no idea why bad things happen to good people. And C & D are fantastic people. Great amazing wonderful friends. D told me when I went to visit them in the hospital last week that he has no idea why this is happening but he has to believe that something good will come of it. I have to trust him on that and believe it too. Because things like this make it hard to keep faith.

I do believe that Gwen is still in a loving place. I believe she is in Heaven. And I believe she will be Donovan's guardian angel. I have to believe that.

God Bless you Gwen. I hope He keeps you close and safe until you are reunited with your Mom and Dad, which I hope is a long way away.

Life is too short

I'm sorry I'm not blogging a lot lately. It's been tough. I'm getting used to a whole new life with two kids and a whole new schedule of working 12 hour shifts. I'm hoping to get back to blogging this month. But nothing I've been going through compares to what friends of mine have been going through and I have to tell their story.

This is a post that I have to write.

GREAT friends of ours C & D, have a beautiful daughter, Gwen. Her birthday is August 24th. This month, she'll be one.

So far in her short little life, she's learned to sit up. To crawl. She's gotten some teeth. She's learned to laugh and smile.

And she's gotten leukemia.

She was diagnosed with AML (Acute Myleocytic Leukemia) on April 24th, 2011, her 8 month birthday. She was admitted to St. Louis Children's Hospital, one of the best children's hospitals in the nation. Things were going great for her for a bit. But as of late, they've turned much worse.

C&D found out this past weekend that this cancer has turned from treatable to terminal and any further treatment would be more harmful than helpful. So it is with a heavy heart that they decided to end all treatments and just enjoy the little time they have left with their daughter.

They at least have the comfort of knowing that they did everything right. There wasn't a single thing to do differently. As soon as they noticed something out of ordinary with Gwen, they went to the doctor and got her diagnosed immediately with AML. They started fighting aggressively and started the chemo right away. They fought long and hard and unfortunately this was just something that couldn't be beaten.

It's so hard to think about; life is just too short.

It goes against the grain to bury a child. It's just not supposed to happen. I love my parents more than anything in the world. I don't want to ever bury them. EVER. But I can understand it. It's a part of life. People get old. They get sick. They die. But not 11 month old babies. I can't understand that. I can't accept that.

Hug your kids a little tighter tonight. Give them extra kisses. Let them eat that chocolate right before bed and let them stay up an extra ten minutes. Because life is too short. You just never know what's going to happen...

We are still saying prayers for you Gwen. Miracles happen every day and I'm a big believer in that. I'm still praying for C&D too. I believe there is a reason for everything. I have no idea what the reason would be for you two to have to go through this, but I believe there is a reason. Stay strong. We love you all.