Prayer

This will be my last sad post for awhile. I swear.

We just left the Memorial Mass for Baby Gwen. It was beautiful. And sad. All at the same time. I won't dwell on that, but I will share with you this prayer that was on Gwen's prayer card.

God saw she was getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So he put his arms around her
And whispered, "Come to Me"
With tearful hearts we watched
Her fade away.
Although we loved her dearly,
We could not make her stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

Rest in Peace

Baby Gwen
Born on this Earth: August 24, 2010
Left to join God: August 7, 2011

We got that horrible email yesterday morning...the one that told us that Baby Gwen has left this Earth to be with God in Heaven. I've been crying since, I think. I know what I'm feeling is nothing compared to what C & D are feeling. I feel so horrible for them and I know that no words can help. There is nothing to say or do.

I can't believe how fast all of this happened. I remember April 23, 2011. It was a friend of ours daughter's 1st birthday party. Nick and I took the kids and saw C with her son Donovan. We asked where D and Gwen were and she told us that baby Gwen was cutting teeth and a little crabby. We smiled and told her we'd come over soon because we wanted to see Gwen again soon.

The next day was Gwen's 8 month birthday.

The next day was Easter Sunday.

The next day was the day that Gwen got diagnosed with Leukemia.

And here we are, just a few short months later and Gwen is gone. I remember when we found out that Gwen was sick. I wasn't worried. At all. That may sound horrible but I was so positive that she was going to get better. She was at a nationally ranked Children's Hospital for goodness sake. Of COURSE she was going to get better.

Then the diagnosis got a little worse. But I still was so 100% sure she'd be better soon and we'd all be telling these stories to Gwen someday.

Then the diagnosis got even more worse. And I got scared.

I have no idea why bad things happen to good people. And C & D are fantastic people. Great amazing wonderful friends. D told me when I went to visit them in the hospital last week that he has no idea why this is happening but he has to believe that something good will come of it. I have to trust him on that and believe it too. Because things like this make it hard to keep faith.

I do believe that Gwen is still in a loving place. I believe she is in Heaven. And I believe she will be Donovan's guardian angel. I have to believe that.

God Bless you Gwen. I hope He keeps you close and safe until you are reunited with your Mom and Dad, which I hope is a long way away.

30x30 check in

Original 30x30 post

Just a quick check in on my 30x30...I don't think it's changed since I looked at it in January...but we'll see. Here we go!

Here's my updated and revised 30 x 30.

1) Run a half marathon - DONE!

2) Go back to Europe - still not done, but we are tentatively planning a January 2013 trip as a Happy Graduation present to me. :) We'll see if this actually happens and if we have money after me being in school for a year!

3) Learn a foreign language - Not done, but my parents are thinking of getting Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish (since Dominick and probably Cecilia will be going to the St. Louis Language Immersion School to learn Spanish) so I'm hoping they do this soon and I can borrow it! I'm too cheap to buy it myself! haha

4) Have 2 of my 4 children - DONE!

5) Take up golf - for real! - not done. Haven't played once this summer...haven't played since I found out I was pregnant with Annabelle actually...I'm sorry but it's been too darn HOT! Hopefully I'll get out there one of these days. I REALLY want to do this one!

6) Be debt free (except the house) - Went from ALMOST DONE! to Not Even Close...but don't worry, we're not going to lose our house or anything. Since I was planning on going back to my old job and that changed, we sure racked back up some debt. Not horrible but we're not close to being debt free...and I'm about to take on about $40K in student loans...hopefully we can be back on track after I graduate and hopefully even close to being debt free by my 30th but we'll take that one day at a time...my education is more important at this point. If I rack up some student loans, I'll take it.

7) Complete an indoor triathlon - I haven't found an indoor triathlon coming up but I'm hoping to do this soon. I'll keep looking for one to do!

8) Watch Gone with the Wind - Not done - But I'm doing this one this week! I have the DVD. I just have to do it!!!

9) Watch the Godfather - Almost done. Still have this DVD too!! MUST DO IT!

10) Play in a poker tournament in a casino - Not done...have to go back to Vegas...maybe another trip after I graduate. Or a trip in between semesters next hear...Or I should just look one up at a casino here in St. Louis...maybe that will be easier. I'll look some up tonight!

11) Get a new car (or newer car) - Not done, but will probably HAVE to do that soon. My car has 135,000 miles on it and won't last forever. But we have time. Now that I work approximately 5 miles from my house, we can afford to wait a little bit. I have until 2014 to do this so I'm pretty sure it will happen.

12) Shoot a gun - Not done but our neighbors and Nick and I are going rabbit hunting this fall so I guess I'll shoot one then.

13) Go back to school - DONE!

14) Learn to drive a stick shift - Not Done...but I have to do this soon.

15) Learn to french braid hair - Haven't done this...but I think I can. There's a great patient at the hospital who has long hair and loves having her hair done. I bet she'll be a guinea pig for me. Such a sweet girl. I'll try to do this one soon.

16) Get into cooking - Eh...getting there. I need to be more consistent, but I do love cooking. Our oven is broken so I guess we need to fix that first. Then I'll get more into it.

17) Finish the entertainment center - DONE!

18) Register to vote in St. Louis City - DONE!

19) Fly somewhere 1st class - Not done. Haven't thought about it. I'll do it though. Maybe not this year, but I'll do it!

20) Go on a cruise - not done. Hopefully we'll do this when I graduate too. Man, I have a lot of trips on this list!

21) Make my own recipe - not done. I have no idea where to start either...maybe I'll make a special pizza or something...

22) Go back to the Signature Room in Chicago - Not done. And won't happen this summer. Just too much going on. Maybe a winter trip before I start school full time in the winter.

23) Go on a family vacation with my family - not done. But I think we are getting closer and closer to this one. I'll have to convince them to do a cruise or go to Chicago or something so I can knock another one off my list!

24) Learn photo shop - Not done. I have to do this still and I don't think my sis has photo shop anymore...hmm, I'll have to call her!

25) Be in the audience at the Ellen DeGeneres show - Not done. This will be a tough one, but I'm determined to make it to the show!

26) Get into exercising consistently three times a week - Not done. We had to cancel the YMCA to save money and it's so hot, but I really hope to do this soon. There's always tomorrow!

27) Reach my goal weight. - Definitely not done. But I have to do it...

28) Try every beer on the list at Growler's . But I have started!! I have about 28 done I believe. My name is on the wall! (It says KONES in case you were curious and want to find it!)

29) Read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. - This is a different one from before. I've tried reading them a few times and stopped. But I love the movies and LOVE to read and LOVE the Harry Potter and Twilight series and I think this is right up my alley. I just started the Fellowship of the Ring and I'm hoping to have that done by the end of September. We'll see once school starts how much reading I get done...

30) Become a nurse!! In theory this should be done in the next two years..we'll see!

So that's where I stand...not a lot of changes but I think it's still mainly doable. I'll keep you posted!!

Hopefully I'll get at least 2 of these done this week! (the Godfather and Gone with the Wind).

~Soul Surfer~

Nick and I had our own little version of a date night last night. It wasn't very exciting, but it was just us. We stayed up late (for us) and put the kids to bed by 8:30 and rented a movie off of On Demand. We rented Soul Surfer.

For those of you who don't know, it's an amazing true story of a girl in Hawaii who was attacked by a shark. She lost her left arm and had to learn to do everything with just one arm, and I mean everything. It's amazing how many things take two arms/hands. I take for granted that I can just put my hair up in a ponytail anytime I want. In fact, it's a bad habit of mine to take my hair down and re-do my ponytail like once or twice every 20 minutes or so. I'm constantly messing with my hair.

One of the things that Bethany Hamilton was determined to do, was surf again. And it's such an emotional story. It's amazing the determination and faith that she has while adjusting to this new life.

I've been emotional lately so of course I cried. But it was a great story and a great movie.

I recommend it if you get a chance.

Happy Date Night to us! :) Hopefully we'll get another date night one of these days. Maybe we'll actually even get to leave the house!

"Old Grandpa"

My grandfather refers to himself as "Old Grandpa" when talking to Cecilia and Dominick. It's pretty cute and the kids feed right into it, calling my dad "Grandpa" and my Grandpa "Old Grandpa". Well this past Thursday was "Old Grandpa's" 85th Birthday!

My dad put together a "small" (turned into 65 people I think!) surprise party for him at their country club yesterday. I had to work from 7 am to 7:30 pm but I made sure I was changed and waiting at the time clock at 7:30, ready to run to my car and get on my way to the festivities.

It was a blast! I got there around 8 and my grandpa sure can party. I ate a little food and then it was time for cake. Dominick was a bit of a stinker last night so I held him most of the time but when it came time to sing to Old Grandpa, Cecilia was in a great mood and Old Grandpa was able to hold her and she helped blow out the candles! I was exhausted pretty quick and so was Dominick but we hung out with the birthday boy until about 10ish and then headed home.

We all slept good last night! And slept in a bit this morning too!

Happy 85th Birthday Grandpa! We all love you so much and can't wait until next year to celebrate your 86th!!

Back

My goal this month is to blog at least every other day. Or every day if I can.

I don't have much to report, but I'll tell you about my wonderful kids.

Dom is doing great. He's so smart and so funny. This morning when I brought him to Ms. Stella's, I was wearing glasses. He looked at my with a funny look when he got out of the car and I asked him, "Why are you looking at me funny?" and he replied, "Not looking at YOU Momma. I'm looking at your glasses!". I laughed and said, "Are my glasses ok?" and he said, "Yes. I think I like them.". What a goof!

He's HUGE! Almost 42" tall and running around like crazy. He plays great by himself and has a crazy imagination. He LOVES his sissy more than anything in the world and if she cries, he runs straight over to her to make it all better.

We are so lucky to have him.

Annabelle is perfect too. She's getting to be at such a fun age. She's smiling and laughing and putting EVERYTHING in her mouth. She is such a happy baby and we are shocked by that. We thought Dom was our good baby and that our next one was bound to have colic or something. Nope. She's just perfect!

Nick and I have been stressed a lot lately with money. I don't make much at the hospital and I'm going to school and everything. But we'll be ok. We just have to make it another year and a half. We've been cutting a lot of things out (like cutting back on cable and not eating out EVER) and we'll be fine. Just one day at a time.

I'm really enjoying working at the hospital and can't wait until May when I'll know enough and move from a unit secretary to a student nurse tech! Then I'll be able to get vitals and do actual medical stuff like that! That's not too far away!

Until then, I'll just keep working, studying and clipping coupons! :)

Life is too short

I'm sorry I'm not blogging a lot lately. It's been tough. I'm getting used to a whole new life with two kids and a whole new schedule of working 12 hour shifts. I'm hoping to get back to blogging this month. But nothing I've been going through compares to what friends of mine have been going through and I have to tell their story.

This is a post that I have to write.

GREAT friends of ours C & D, have a beautiful daughter, Gwen. Her birthday is August 24th. This month, she'll be one.

So far in her short little life, she's learned to sit up. To crawl. She's gotten some teeth. She's learned to laugh and smile.

And she's gotten leukemia.

She was diagnosed with AML (Acute Myleocytic Leukemia) on April 24th, 2011, her 8 month birthday. She was admitted to St. Louis Children's Hospital, one of the best children's hospitals in the nation. Things were going great for her for a bit. But as of late, they've turned much worse.

C&D found out this past weekend that this cancer has turned from treatable to terminal and any further treatment would be more harmful than helpful. So it is with a heavy heart that they decided to end all treatments and just enjoy the little time they have left with their daughter.

They at least have the comfort of knowing that they did everything right. There wasn't a single thing to do differently. As soon as they noticed something out of ordinary with Gwen, they went to the doctor and got her diagnosed immediately with AML. They started fighting aggressively and started the chemo right away. They fought long and hard and unfortunately this was just something that couldn't be beaten.

It's so hard to think about; life is just too short.

It goes against the grain to bury a child. It's just not supposed to happen. I love my parents more than anything in the world. I don't want to ever bury them. EVER. But I can understand it. It's a part of life. People get old. They get sick. They die. But not 11 month old babies. I can't understand that. I can't accept that.

Hug your kids a little tighter tonight. Give them extra kisses. Let them eat that chocolate right before bed and let them stay up an extra ten minutes. Because life is too short. You just never know what's going to happen...

We are still saying prayers for you Gwen. Miracles happen every day and I'm a big believer in that. I'm still praying for C&D too. I believe there is a reason for everything. I have no idea what the reason would be for you two to have to go through this, but I believe there is a reason. Stay strong. We love you all.