Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Traveling Queen

I have so many weekend trips lined up this summer and I am very excited about all the of them!

July will be a busy month, starting off with 4th of July weekend and a family wedding reception to go to, as well as the typical BBQ's and what not. Then Nick is taking a golf trip to celebrate his 30th birthday and me and Dommie are hanging out, just the two of us. Later in the month, we are going to Arkansas to visit Jim and Les (which we are totally psyched about!!) and we might be going to a friend's farm towards the end of the month too. July will end with us going to a Cardinals game with my sister and Andrew.

August will be just as busy. We start August off with a wedding as well, my cousin is getting married and follow that with a good friend's baby shower! Next I'm heading to Denver to meet up with some gals I met on the internet 3 years ago for a fun filled weekend and then I start school - that's a whole other post, I'll try to post about that today or tomorrow!

September is a little slower, but Nick and I are taking a weekend and going to our time share in Farmington, Mo to hit up a few wineries and just relax! And of course we'll have to celebrate our 4 year anniversary. We'll have a few birthday parties to attend as well, as our nieces are both turning 7 this year....SEVEN! Holy cow, they are getting old...

October is a lot slower but it's still early! We have the Lewis and Clark half marathon the first weekend, which Nick and I are both planning on doing, and then in the middle of the month we are headed to Hermann, Mo for Oktoberfest! My aunt and uncle live there and want us to visit with Dom. We can stay with them and then they'll watch Dom while we go to the wineries! Win-win!

Then it's November and the holiday season and let's not get started on that.

I'm so thankful that I have a ton of stuff to look forward to. Gotta love summer!

Monday, June 28, 2010


I am stuck in a weird state right now. I'm filled to the brim with hormones and stuck waiting.

I'm not motivated, I'm not upset, I'm not happy, and I'm not sad. I'm just....blah!

This past weekend was a good weekend to be blah. We went to the wineries on Saturday with a bus full of people. We went to Sugar Creek winery in Augusta. We stayed in the back room with the TV to watch the USA soccer game, but that ended badly. Then we went outside to listen to the one man band playing and relax. We had a good time, but because of my weird state, it wasn't as good as I was hoping it would be.

Then Sunday we went out to breakfast (our Sunday ritual now) and had a great breakfast. Then we went home and relaxed for a bit before heading over to our niece, Jillian's, birthday party. We left the party early to go to our softball game (which got rained out) and then went back. Again, it was a good day to be blah.

I'm feeling slightly optimistic this month, but I think I'm mainly just excited to be done. Either way. If I'm pregnant, that will be FANTASTIC, but if I'm not, I can relax a little and focus on other things. These last 4 months have just been stressful and I don't like it at all.

I'm very ready to feel like myself again...and stop feeling so blah.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

New Plan

So if you know me at all, you know I like plans. I like organizing, and lists, and school supplies and anything related to any of these things!

So Nick and I talked to the doctor and we have a new plan.

We are trying again. Before we were doing clomid on days 5-9 of my cycle and that was to produce one good egg. Well the last two tries did produce one good egg, each cycle, and we have no babies from these one good eggs. So we're switching protocol. I am going to take clomid on days 3-7 this time. This will increase my eggs but they won't be as strong. With Dominick we had two eggs and we got one baby. So I'm hoping with two or more eggs, we can get another baby. This does increase our chances of multiples but we are ok with that. With how much trouble we've been having and how much money we've spent, maybe twins would be perfect for us. :) We'll see.

I have my next ultrasound for July 2, a week from Friday. I start the medicine tomorrow. I'm really really hoping for good news this time around.

As always, I'll keep you posted.

Monday, June 21, 2010


Negative, negative, negative.

Negative attitude.
Negative outlook.
Negative pregnancy test.

It was a strange father's day. We were really hoping to have the best present of all. Knowing that we were going to be blessed with another baby. But we didn't get that for Father's Day.

Instead Nick got a ice cream cake and a very nice watch.

It's hard. We are ok. We know we are. We have Dominick. And we are so blessed to have him. He's amazing. So sweet and perfect. But we want more.

When Nick and I were dating, we had that night where we talked all night. We talked about our past and our future. Talked about jobs and families. Talked about everything. I asked Nick how many kids he wanted and he said he loved his big family. He wanted four kids. I, too, wanted four kids. We thought we were perfect together. We thought we'd end up with a big family and four kids. We never thought it would be so hard.

We know we will have more kids. We know it. We know it can happen. We will keep trying and we are both 100% on board with adopting if it comes to that. So we'll be ok. It's just hard.

I had my first mini-breakdown last night. We got home from my parents house and gave Dommie a bath. Then it was time for bed. We got him in his jammies and we read three books. Then I picked him up to put him in the crib. He laid his head on my shoulder and I lost it. I just started crying. I couldn't help it and I couldn't stop myself. Dommie just held on tighter.

I know Nick is really upset. He keeps telling me it's not my fault, and that it could be him. But we both know that isn't true. He's so sweet to not blame me but I feel awful. I feel guilty on top of everything else.

I called the doctor this morning. I left a message on the nurse's line. It always takes a few hours for them to get back to me since they pull my chart and talk to the doctor. We'll see what they have to say. Since my mom has offered to help us, we may want to try again. We haven't fully decided yet. We're going to talk to the doctor and see what he says.

On the up side, we did have a good weekend otherwise. We played in a kickball tournament and had a lot of fun. Nick LOVED his watch I got him. Here's a picture of it. It's from my phone so it's a little blurry.

We went to my parents house and swam and had a great dinner. We did some fun things. Dominick had way too much with Cecilia last night. They were running from room to room screaming and laughing. They were adorable.

Lots of good things happened this weekend. Just not the one we wanted.

I guess we'll just have to try, try again.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Southern Cross

A friend of mine, Molly, her husband, Patrick, (did that make sense) is in a band called Southern Cross. They are a cover band that performs Country songs with a Rock attitude. I had never heard/seen them before but I got a Facebook invite from Patrick (the lead singer) to come and see a free concert at Union Station's water bridge.

I (and Dominick) am a huge music fan and love all the concerts around St. Louis. So I called my sister to see if she and Cecilia wanted to go too. They did, so the four of us headed to Union Station.

I packed a cooler (with way too much stuff) of water, soda, grapes, and cheese, and we picked a bench by the stage and settled in. The music was great!! We were really impressed with the group. The kids liked it too, but there was so much stuff for them to look at that they got a little distracted and Union Station isn't the safest place for young kids.

After an hour, we had to go home because we couldn't keep up with the kids anymore. But I got a few pictures before we packed up (and I stole one from Patrick's facebook page).

This is a pic of the band setting up (and the one I stole from Patrick!)

Here's a few pics of Ang and the kids eating some grapes.

And two pics of how fascinated Dom was of the fish. He was smart enough to bend down and not just try and walk into the water or anything, but he wanted to "pet" the fish, and I was getting nervous he would get too close to actually touching the fish!

After trying to pet the fishies and trying to act like the big boys next to us who were jumping down 4 steps at a time, we had to call it a night.

I definitely recommend Southern Cross and I can't wait to see them again!!

Landscaping Update

Nick and Andrew worked very hard last night on backyard. (Angela and I went out, but that's another post).

They mowed the lawn, weed wacked the fence area, and tore out most of the deck. I'm so excited about this. It makes our yard look so much bigger! I know most people will look at these pictures and say, "What yard??" because yes, it's still very tiny, but considering how tiny it was with the big deck and the garage, our yard is HUGE now!

Here's a few pictures of the deck area (still a work in progress):

Hopefully we can work on this some more in the next few weeks and be on our way to having a nice backyard!!


I'm officially 11 days past the IUI today. I was 11 days past the IUI when I got my first positive pregnancy test with Dominick. I'm getting really anxious.

I don't think I'm even getting anxious for me. I think it's more for Nick. He struggles with our infertility more than I do. And I feel so guilty. We've had countless tests done and 100% of the problems are mine. I feel so bad that nothing is wrong with him and I can't give him a baby as easily as maybe someone else could. I know that's extreme but I hate that the problems are all my fault.

Every morning, Nick asks me what my temperature is and if it's good or bad. He asks me about random "symptoms" I'm having and asks if they are like the ones I had with Dominick. He called me this morning after he left for work and asked me to wait for him to take a test.

I don't think I want to take one with him there because it will break my heart to see his face if it's negative.

I think he's struggling more now because he had this false sense of security when the first IUI worked. After we got pregnant with Dominick, he would make comments like, "This is great. Every time we want to get pregnant, we'll just go in and do an IUI", like it will automatically work the first try every time. Well, we're learning that's definitely not the case.

We won't officially know one way or the other until Monday. If I don't get a positive test by Monday, I stop taking progesterone and I will start a new cycle.

We still haven't made up our minds about what to do next. My wonderful mother has offered to help us pay for another IUI if the only reason we are waiting is the money. I don't know if that's the only reason. It's definitely A reason, but I don't know if it's the only reason. I'm tired of being on synthetic hormones, and giving myself a shot, and missing work for ultrasounds and tests, all for nothing.

When we went in for the IUI the first time, I asked the doctor when he thought I would be pregnant. He said that most people with my problems got pregnant by their fourth IUI. I got lucky last time, but now it makes me think that I should give it four chances in a row before taking a break. But going through this two more times in the next two months?? I don't know if I can do it.

I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there. In the mean time, I'm still holding out hope that this is the one that worked.

We'll know Monday. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Race for the Cure and Parish Picnic

Saturday was a busy day. But a great day.

In the morning we did the Susan Komen Race for the Cure. We had to get up pretty early and go pick up the rest of the family. Mom, Nick, Angela, Mike, Dom and I piled into our Durango. We headed downtown.

We found a parking spot and headed to the starting area. My mom, sister and I decided to run/walk the 5K. It was hot. And hilly. It wasn't our best time but we did a pretty good job. We finished in 41 minutes.

After the race, we were exhausted. Running in that heat will really take it out of you! So we grabbed some bottled water and bananas and went to our meeting spot to wait for Nick and Mike.

They had decided to walk the whole thing with Dom so they took a bit longer than we did. When they finally made it to the meeting spot, they had a surprise with them. Abbie!!

Abbie was our team captain but we hadn't been able to meet up with her before hand, so it was great that she found the boys! When we finished the race, we all headed to Tower Grove park to go to the Hartford Coffee Company. They have a kids area that is GREAT. I really should take more pictures. This back area has a train table, a pretend kitchen, trucks, books, and all kinds of other toys.

It's not the most extensive menu but the food was delicious. They have bagels with cream cheese, bagels and lox (which I had when we went back on Sunday and it is DELICIOUS!), bagel sandwiches and all sorts of coffee drinks.

After breakfast, Nick and I went home to watch the big soccer game between England and the US. (Yes, the US got very lucky).

After soccer, I headed up to the parish picnic. I've helped out at the beer booth for the last few years and volunteered to help again. The rain kept a lot of people away so we weren't nearly as busy as we have been in the past. But we kept ourselves busy and entertained....

And speaking of entertained. Nick and Dom came up to visit me at one point. Well it was SO rainy at certain points that we had to try and keep Dom busy. He was watching me pour the beer and of course, my little mimic, he wanted to try it too. So we gave him a cup to see what he would do.

DISCLAIMER - I did NOT let him actually pour any beer!!

It amazes me how much he learns and wants to try. He saw me pour a few, and he immediately wanted to do it too.

Unfortunately, the rain kept up so Nick took Dommie home. I made it home around 11:30 or so.

Long day, but a good day.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Waiting game....

I hate this whole "waiting" thing. We did the IUI on Monday, first thing in the morning. I had to take a trigger shot, which is 10,000 units of the pregnancy hormone hcG. Because I had to take that trigger shot, I can't test early because I would get a false positive.

So....that means I have to wait 14 days (or test out the trigger shot - which I have done in the past) before I can expect a good and accurate result. So that means I have ten more days to wait. TEN. That's two hands full of days! :)

I might have to test early and see if the trigger shot is out of my system because I can't see myself waiting ten more days. I might test Monday or Tuesday and see if the trigger is gone yet...I'll keep you posted!

Waiting...I hate it. I just want to know now.

Patience, patience. I'm working on it.


Dominick got bitten yesterday at daycare!! By another child! He was brave. He didn't cry or anything, but he has teeth marks all over his wrist. It's like he was bitten by a vampire! :-) Ms. Stella felt horrible, but kids are kids. They don't mean it. Hopefully this is a one time thing!

Here are a few pictures of his "wound" on his wrist.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Funny Joke

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a


In a brand new Cadillac

Doing 65 mph

With her face up next to her rear view mirror

Putting on her eyeliner

I looked away for a couple seconds...

to continue shaving

And when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane,

Still working on that makeup.

As a man,

I don't scare easily.

But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver

Which knocked

The donut
Out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel,

It knocked

My Cell Phone

Away from my ear

Which fell

Into the coffee

Between my legs!

Splashed, and burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

Ruined the damn phone,

Soaked my trousers,

And disconnected an
Important call.

Damn women drivers!

Hee hee. That made me giggle. Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wordless Wednesdays

Landscaping - a work in progress

I love that we are doing so much to our house all the time! When we bought our house, I loved it. It was in a great location, and it had a finished basement, and a big bedroom, etc. etc. But it needed something. It needed 'us'. It wasn't our house yet.

We've done some big improvements, in my opinion, to make the house more 'us'. We replaced the carpet in the basement and laid new tile. We repainted almost the whole house. We put up a wall to create a nursery. We knocked down a wall to make a big kitchen. We've done a lot. And while we are no where near finished with the inside, the outside needed BIG help!

Last summer, we tore down the garage to make the yard bigger. Now we're tearing down the deck. The deck is nasty. It's a odd shape with two tiers, which makes it very un-practical. We can't really have a good table and chairs since there are two levels. Then, the wood is old and we have bugs everywhere. We decided, the heck with it! It's coming down. I didn't realize we were starting this so soon, but Nick got really ambitious on Monday night. Here's a picture of him taking it apart.

Not only are we working on getting the back nice and pretty, but we're working on the front too. We have hedges and had some sad looking plants. But Nick's mom was going through her yard and gave us some extra plants. Nick and Sue planted them while I was out running errands last weekend and they look great!

Like I said, it's a work in progress, but every little bit helps! I'll post more pictures when we get more done in the back.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Honorable Mention!

Many of you know (as I did multiple posts on this) that I did a mural in Dominick's room. I got the mural from a website called Elephants on the Wall.

Well, they do a photo contest every year. I decided to enter my mural into the photo contest. And I got an honorable mention!!

Here's the website if you want to check it out!

Click HERE!


So I had my IUI yesterday. I think it went well. Or as well as I can think it went before knowing the actual results.

The whole experience was 100% different from last time. I felt good when I got up. I never threw up. Nick and I were talking and laughing on the way home instead of me holding a bag in front of me. It was good.

Now I basically just wait. I have to start taking a hormone supplement on Thursday and I can test in approximately two weeks. I know two weeks isn't a long time, but to me it's an eternity. I want to know now if it's positive and I don't want to know at all if it's negative. It's hard waiting, knowing that if it's negative we are waiting at least 3 full months to try again. But I have faith.

I went to church on Sunday. First time in months. I enjoyed it. The gospel was the story of Jesus and the Disciples with thousands of people listening to Jesus preach. When it was time to eat, there was only a few fish and few loaves of bread. The people were divided into groups of fifty and given some bread and fish. When everyone had eaten as much as they needed, there were enough remains to fill 12 wicker baskets. God provided for them. He made sure that no one went without.

God will provide for me and Nick as well. It may not be when I want, but He will provide. I'm taking a huge leap of faith here. Whatever is meant to be, will be.

I'm still accepting prayers though! :-)

Friday, June 4, 2010

Good news!

I had another ultrasound this morning to look at my egg. And it was good news! Finally.

My egg is almost perfect. I have to give myself the trigger shot (to ensure that I do ovulate this perfect egg) tomorrow at 4pm and then we have to be at the RE's office on Monday morning at 7:30 and we'll do the IUI at 8am.

AUUGGGHHH! Finally, a set plan and it seems good. I have a good feeling about this one and I'm going to stay positive.

If this one doesn't work (and it will) then I'm going to do the Lewis and Clark FULL MARATHON on October 3, 2010. This way I'll have something to occupy my time throughout the whole summer and we'll give it another shot in October.

That's the plan! Wish us luck! Hopefully in 2 weeks I'll have a post titled "REALLY good news!".

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Update from the doc

My doctor just called. They got the results of my latest blood work. They said everything looked great, although I'm still not sure what they were looking for. They told me that my egg was very strong and just needed to get a little bigger. They want to do another ultrasound tomorrow to see if it's ready.

So, I go to the doctor tomorrow morning at 8 am to get another ultrasound. Hopefully it will be ready and we can actually do this IUI.

Keep saying prayers please! I need all the prayers I can get!

Dr.'s Office

When I was at the doctor's office yesterday, I was looking at all the pictures of the babies that my doctor has helped happen. It's amazing to see how many babies are here because of my doctor.

While I was sitting and waiting to be seen, I looked closer and saw the two pictures of Dommie that I gave him!

Yes, I'm a nerd and took a picture. But it's very cool to see that he actually keeps all the pictures and how many people are helped because of him. It gives me faith. It will happen again for us. All in good time.

Dommie is the big picture in the middle. This is when he was 7 months.

Dom's birth announcement is the top middle one. It's a picture from the hospital.

It was so exciting to see him on the "wall of fame".


My baby is getting so smart these days!

This morning, after I got Dommie dressed, I had to take a picture or two of how cute he was.

Here's the pictures:

FYI - This is taken with my phone and I am literally less than an arm's length away, just so you know.

After I took the pictures, I showed them to Dommie on my phone. I asked him, "Who is that??"

He looked at the picture, looked at me, then pointed at the picture and said, "DOM!".


Yay! I thought it may be a fluke, so I showed him another picture, "DOM!". Then to trick him up, we looked at a picture of me and Nick and I asked him who it was and got, "Mamamamama and Da!".

My baby is a genius. Just sayin'.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Coming Clean...

I thought I was being smart. Conservative. Protecting myself. I had chosen to keep certain things private so there wouldn't be any extra added pressure. But I messed up...

By keeping things private, I had no one to talk to. No one to vent to. No one to understand. And by keeping things private, I couldn't blog about it either, and that was even harder than I could have imagined.

I started this blog a few years ago, and even though I don't blog everyday, I love it. It is my online diary. I can write about whatever, whenever. I know that everyone can read it, which is why I was being more private, but I believe that this is something that you readers will understand. And something I need to write about.

A few months ago, Nick and I decided that we were ready to expand our family. We were ready to brave it and try for baby number 2. For those of you who don't know, Nick and I struggled with baby number one. We had lots of problems. First we struggled to stay pregnant. We had two very early miscarriages. Then we struggled to even get pregnant. We had to see a R.E. to move forward and get pregnant with Dom.

We got lucky that time. Our first visit with the RE, we came up with a plan. We followed that plan and we were blessed with Dominick Robert. Our miracle, perfect, wonderful son.

I've done some research and found that sometimes people who struggle with infertility for their first child, sometimes they have no problems with their second. Their bodies figure out what is "supposed" to happen. I had some false hope that I could be that lucky. I wanted to be that lucky.

For some reason, I feel like a failure that I couldn't get pregnant on my own with Dom. I feel like I should have been able to get pregnant. That I did something wrong and that's why I can't get pregnant. I know that's crazy. Sometimes people just struggle. I've had lots of tests done and found that I have two blood clotting problems. One is a chromosomal disorder that I have no control over. I was born with it. I have MTHFR. I tested positive for two copies of the C677T mutation. That's the worst kind of MTHFR you can have. At first, I freaked out about this. But my nurse at the RE's office made me feel better. She told me, "It's like finding out you have diabetes and you need insulin. If you take your medicine every day, things will be fine. You've always had, now you just know. You will be fine". And she was right.

I told Nick that I didn't want to do another IUI. That I wanted to get pregnant on my own or with limited medicine. He told me it wouldn't work, but I was stubborn. I wanted to try. So we tried. I did everything I was supposed to. I took my temperature every morning. I ate right. I exercised. I lost weight. But nothing.

Then we tried Clomid. I took Clomid with Dominick, along with the IUI, and I thought maybe just that would work. We took the medicine and tried that month, but it didn't work.

I finally gave in. We knew Nick's insurance was getting ready to change so we decided to try earlier than later. Last month we tried our first IUI for baby number two. I took Clomid for 5 days. We did an ultrasound that showed I had one good egg. I had to give myself a hormone injection to ensure that I would ovulate. Then we did the IUI.

The morning of the IUI I was sick. So sick that I almost didn't make it to the IUI. I was throwing up and it was just awful. But I went. I had already spent the money and taken all the medicine. I threw up on the way there. Threw up on the way home. It was not pleasant. But it could have all been worth it.

However, two weeks after that IUI, I didn't get a positive pregnancy test. And I had to make a decision. We had to make a decision.

We've decided to try one more IUI for now. If that doesn't work then we're enjoying our summer and taking a nice long break. I started the medicine for the IUI last week. I took Clomid for 5 days. Today I had my ultrasound. I was really really hoping for good news.

That's not what I got. I only have 1 egg again, and it's not even mature yet. They are sending me for a blood test to see how close I am to being ready to ovulate. Based on the results of that blood test, they will tell me when to give myself the hormone injection and we'll go from there. My doctor was guessing the egg would be ready Sunday. So I would give myself the injection on Saturday and then we'd do the IUI Monday morning. But he won't know anything until I get my blood drawn. I am getting that done at 4:20 today.

It's all so frustrating. It's emotionally hard. Financially hard. Physically hard. So many people tell me that they know how hard it is. But they don't. Not really. It's so sweet of people to be there for me, but unless you've been through it, I don't think you can really know. It took us 14 months to conceive Dominick. Now for this dream baby number two, we've tried 5 months, 3 of those with medication. It's just hard.

I don't get how people can get pregnant on accident. I really don't. How can someone get pregnant when they don't want a baby and they use some sort of birth control and I can take medicine and do everything right, and still not get a baby? It's not fair.

We can't afford to try this every month so if this one doesn't work, we'll wait until September or October. I'm really hoping it doesn't come to that.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I really do believe that. I think it took so long for us to get pregnant with Dominick so that we can really appreciate him. We would do anything for him and he means more to us than anything else in the world. I know that by making this journey hard, we will feel the same way about baby number two. And it makes us appreciate Dominick more too.

No matter what, we will be fine. I know this. This makes our marriage stronger. We lean on each other and it will all be fine. It really will.

But I'm really hoping that we'll get lucky this time. Please say some prayers. We can use them.