Reflection Time

Dominick is taking a nap so I figured I'd take a minute and write about these last three weeks.

Motherhood isn't what I thought it would be. I've read and heard so many stories from other women about what becoming a mother was to them and it hasn't seemed to apply to me and my experiences so far.

I've heard that breastfeeding is so magical. That you feel such an amazing bond with your child while breastfeeding. I haven't felt that. I feel bonded to Dominick all the time. Feeding him (with a bottle or breast, it doesn't matter to me), burping him, rocking him, singing to him, anything.

I've heard that you can stand the cries of other children but when you hear your own child cry, it's like daggers to your heart. I don't feel that way. Of course I get upset when he cries. I try my best to make him feel better. I don't want him hungry, or hurt, or sick or anything. But I can stand his cry. Babies cry. It's what they do. And I'm ok with that.

I've also heard that leaving him for the first time would be one of the hardest things for you to do...ever. I did it ok. We went to the movies and, of course, I missed him, but I was ok. I knew I'd see him again soon.

I started questioning if there was something wrong with me! Why wasn't I as affected by these things as other women? Other mothers?

Then I realized that even though those particular things don't affect me, other things do. Last night Nick and I went with some people from my work to a Valentine's Dinner at Bartalino's South. We were gone for about three hours. On the way home, I really missed my baby. I was thinking about all the things I missed about him. And all the things that I love so much about him.

I love the way that he grunts all the time. Before he cries, after he cries, when he's hungry, when he's just talking: he grunts. I love when he's eating, he's trying to eat so fast that he gets frustrated and scrunches up his face and it's just adorable. I love how he looks up at me when I'm holding him with his big blue eyes. I just love him.

I never knew you could love something or someone so much. He means so much to me. Maybe I don't feel the same emotions that other mothers feel, but I feel so many things and I feel so much love for him that I can't even believe it.

He's my baby. I'll love him forever, I'll like him for always. As long as I'm living, my baby he'll be...