Negative

Negative, negative, negative.

Negative attitude.
Negative outlook.
Negative pregnancy test.

It was a strange father's day. We were really hoping to have the best present of all. Knowing that we were going to be blessed with another baby. But we didn't get that for Father's Day.

Instead Nick got a ice cream cake and a very nice watch.

It's hard. We are ok. We know we are. We have Dominick. And we are so blessed to have him. He's amazing. So sweet and perfect. But we want more.

When Nick and I were dating, we had that night where we talked all night. We talked about our past and our future. Talked about jobs and families. Talked about everything. I asked Nick how many kids he wanted and he said he loved his big family. He wanted four kids. I, too, wanted four kids. We thought we were perfect together. We thought we'd end up with a big family and four kids. We never thought it would be so hard.

We know we will have more kids. We know it. We know it can happen. We will keep trying and we are both 100% on board with adopting if it comes to that. So we'll be ok. It's just hard.

I had my first mini-breakdown last night. We got home from my parents house and gave Dommie a bath. Then it was time for bed. We got him in his jammies and we read three books. Then I picked him up to put him in the crib. He laid his head on my shoulder and I lost it. I just started crying. I couldn't help it and I couldn't stop myself. Dommie just held on tighter.

I know Nick is really upset. He keeps telling me it's not my fault, and that it could be him. But we both know that isn't true. He's so sweet to not blame me but I feel awful. I feel guilty on top of everything else.

I called the doctor this morning. I left a message on the nurse's line. It always takes a few hours for them to get back to me since they pull my chart and talk to the doctor. We'll see what they have to say. Since my mom has offered to help us, we may want to try again. We haven't fully decided yet. We're going to talk to the doctor and see what he says.

On the up side, we did have a good weekend otherwise. We played in a kickball tournament and had a lot of fun. Nick LOVED his watch I got him. Here's a picture of it. It's from my phone so it's a little blurry.



We went to my parents house and swam and had a great dinner. We did some fun things. Dominick had way too much with Cecilia last night. They were running from room to room screaming and laughing. They were adorable.

Lots of good things happened this weekend. Just not the one we wanted.

I guess we'll just have to try, try again.